The truth no one tells you about creating real Communities
When people ask me how to build a community, the first thing I say is: you need a personal commitment and a commitment to the community. Why? Because building a community is not just about gathering people and sharing a space for a while. A community is like a plant: you need to nurture it, care for it, water it, and give it special attention so it grows healthy and strong.
If you search online for “how to build a community,” you’ll find thousands of articles with lists, tools, steps, and recipes. But the reality is that creating and leading a community is much more than following formulas. A community is not an event, a WhatsApp group, or a pretty virtual space. It’s a living organism that breathes, evolves, changes, and—above all—needs to be nurtured and cared for.
My awakening: from little connexions to understanding true leadership
A few years ago, when I was in Colombia, I thought a community was just about bringing together people with a shared interest. That was my experience with Little Connexions until I met Daniel Vargas, who taught me and helped me awaken the gift of community building—a skill I now apply here in Portugal.
I remember very well that at the end of 2017, I attended an Artificial Intelligence BootCamp by the Cloud First Campus community at Microsoft, led by Daniel. His leadership inspired me because he led with a passion that’s hard to find. Little by little, I got closer to this community and ended up supporting it as a Community Manager, learning how a community works from the inside, enduring the silent periods every leader must face, and understanding the importance of having a support group to keep going.
Daniel didn’t just teach—he inspired. His way of leading showed me that community leadership goes far beyond logistics or social media. It’s a genuine act of service. I got closer, I learned, and from then on, my vision changed forever.
The three invisible pillars of community leadership
1. Commitment: the root that sustains everything
As a community leader, you must commit to activities that aren’t always visible but whose results make every member feel that the community brings value.
Commitment to yourself:
Before leading others, you must commit to yourself. This commitment means making a deep decision: to hold the space even when no one else does. Are you willing to keep going when there are no likes, comments, or immediate results? Are you willing to be the first to arrive and the last to leave, even when the path gets lonely?
Committing to yourself means:
• Personal coherence
• Emotional discipline
• Resilience in the face of uncertainty
A community feels the energy of its leader. If you’re only after quick success, they’ll notice. If you’re committed to the purpose, even if it’s not visible at first, they’ll feel it too.
Commitment to the community:
Committing to the community isn’t just about opening spaces or managing activities. It’s about committing to people’s growth. It means being there when they need you, even if they don’t say it openly. Caring about their stories, challenges, and dreams. Not seeing them as numbers, but recognizing them as unique human beings.
True community leadership is born when you put others at the center and understand that your role isn’t to be the protagonist, but the facilitator of collective growth.
2. Intuition: your silent compass
Communities aren’t linear. They don’t work with rigid plans or inflexible structures. The community leader must be a sensitive observer and an invisible strategist. This is where intuition becomes your greatest ally.
You need the intuition to sense what members need for their growth. Intuition helps you:
• Detect needs before they’re expressed
• Sense when it’s time to change or to hold steady
• Read between the lines of collective emotions
How to develop intuition as a leader:
Intuition isn’t magic. It’s the ability to connect mind, heart, and experience to read what isn’t obvious. You can develop it if you:
• Practice deep, active listening
• Observe more and talk less
• Give yourself moments of silence to feel the group’s atmosphere
Intuitive leadership builds trust, because people feel when you listen from the heart.
3. Purpose: the engine that never stops
If your purpose is to sell, capture leads, or position yourself… you’ll lose the essence. True purpose is about serving others, creating impact, and leaving a mark. Your community is a reflection of your purpose. If you lead from the ego, you’ll create a superficial network. If you lead from service, you’ll create real connections.
My experience in Portugal: DMK Tribe as a living example
I speak from the heart, because here in Portugal, after leading two communities and continuing to lead DMK Tribe, seeing it keep growing fills me with pride. Life prepares you, without you realizing, to fulfill your mission.
DMK Tribe was born to be a genuine space, far from empty formulas. It’s still alive today because it stands on three pillars:
• Real commitment
• Active listening
• Constant service
DMK Tribe isn’t mine. It belongs to those who feel it’s theirs.
The platforms I developed
For years, I learned to use digital tools and create connection platforms. Now, I bring this skill to DMK Tribe, where I’ve developed three platforms with different functions:
• One to connect people
• Another to find professional opportunities
• A business directory of our members’ companies
Each one responds to real needs, not trends.
The hidden reality: periods of silence
Accompanying real communities, I learned that leading means holding on even in silence. That a leader needs a support circle. That resilience is the true invisible leadership.
The silences that hurt… but shape you:
There will be moments when no one participates. When you feel like you’re working in a vacuum. That’s where your commitment is tested. If you hold on, the community is reborn. If you give up, you’ll never know what could have been.
Every time I followed my intuition, the result was positive. Every time I ignored it, I paid the price. Intuition is your silent compass. Learn to trust it.
Creating vs. Leading: The fundamental difference.
Creating a community is easy: you find platforms and create spaces.
Leading is much more complex because it requires innate commitment and the ability to create spaces for listening.
Tools are means, not ends:
Don’t obsess over trendy platforms or strategies. Tools are useful… if there’s purpose behind them. Use digital as a bridge. Use technology to bring people closer, not to impress.
The human strategy:
The best strategy is the human one. Always ask yourself:
• What do my members need?
• How can I serve them better?
• What can I create for their growth?
The most common mistakes in community leadership
1. Confusing community with audience
An audience consumes your content. A community co-creates with you. If you only want followers, you’re building an audience. If you want real connections, you’re building a community.
2. Leading from the ego
When the leader becomes the protagonist, the community becomes their personal show. True community leadership is invisible: it facilitates, connects, and serves from the background.
3. Seeking immediate results
Communities are marathons, not sprints. If you seek quick results, you’ll get frustrated. If you seek long-term impact, you’ll find deep satisfaction.
4. Ignoring natural cycles
Communities have cycles: moments of high energy and moments of apparent stillness. Both are necessary and natural. Resisting these cycles is fighting against the very nature of community.
The Invisible Side of Community Leadership
Surround yourself with allies
A leader needs allies. People who believe in the purpose and are there when the load gets heavy. I’ve had mentors, friends, and committed members who have been key on my journey. No one leads alone.
Mission as an anchor
Your mission is your anchor. When you understand you’re leading for something bigger than yourself, everything changes. That mission is what makes communities transcend.
The importance of a support group
During my experience with Daniel Vargas, I learned that no leader can sustain a community completely alone. You need an inner circle of committed people who share the vision and can support you in tough times.
Lessons learned along the way
From Colombia to Portugal: the evolution of leadership
My experience leading communities in Colombia and Portugal has taught me that the fundamental principles of community leadership are universal, but their application must be culturally sensitive.
The power of vulnerability
The most effective leaders are those who can show vulnerability. When you share your struggles and challenges, you create authentic connection with your community.
Patience as a virtue
Building communities requires patience. The most meaningful results are not immediate, but when they arrive, they are deep and lasting.
Practical Tools for Community Leadership
1. Active Listening
• Spend more time listening than talking.
• Ask open-ended questions that invite reflection.
• Recognize and validate members’ emotions.
2. Invisible Facilitation
• Create spaces for others to shine.
• Connect people with similar interests.
• Spark conversations without directing them.
3. Self-care
• Set clear boundaries.
• Seek support when you need it.
• Maintain your own energy and well-being.
The Future of Communities
The communities of the future will be those that prioritize human connection over technology, qualitative growth over quantitative, and long-term impact over immediate results.
Emerging trends:
• Hybrid communities (online and offline)
• Focus on mental and emotional well-being
• Sustainability as a core value
• Inclusion and diversity as priorities
Final Reflections: The Invisible Art of Leadership
Leading a community is not an easy task. It’s an invisible art that blends deep commitment, conscious intuition, and genuine purpose. If you’re willing to embrace these three pillars, you’re ready to lead a community that transcends.
My invitation today is: lead from the heart, listen with intuition, serve with purpose. Communities transform lives, and the world needs more leaders committed to this invisible art.
Call to Action
If you’ve read this far, it’s because you feel the call. Maybe it’s time to take that step, to create, sustain, and lead from your essence. If you need guidance, I’m here. If you want to learn this invisible art, let’s do it together.
Because communities are the legacy that leaves a mark long after we’re gone. And in a world increasingly connected digitally but disconnected humanly, we need leaders who understand that true communities are built with the heart, sustained with commitment, and nurtured with purpose.
The question isn’t whether you can lead a community. The question is: are you willing to commit to the invisible art of transforming lives through authentic human connection?
The world is waiting for your answer.
I want to thank the entire DMK Tribe community for their trust, and my leadership team at DMK Tribe: Celia, Roberto, Daniel, Kertu, Olesia, Tommaso, Laura, Saeid, Ashley, Daniela, Fabrizio, Maria, Ronald, and Sari; and all the sponsors, such as LACS, Kube, Le Wagon, Outsite, Mob, Cowork Cascais, and Sitio, who have supported and trusted the community.
Thanks for reading me,
Jhamile Abuabara
www.jhamileabuabara.com